can it work if couple doesnt have the same biblical beliefs

[PaulB]

Attending a church together is important, and they won't have that. A far bigger problem awaits if they have children. Both will want the children to go to their church and adopt their beliefs.

[Yummy17]

Attending a church together is important, and they won't have that. A far bigger problem awaits if they have children. Both will want the children to go to their church and adopt their beliefs.

Yes. My sister became a believer after marriage. Her hubby isn’t opposed and supports her but does not attend. Only 1 out of their 4 children go to Su day school now.
We have a friend who had a pact with his wife they would never accept any religion and then one day seeing a brother doing the daily readings got into conversation, eventually believed was baptised and now continues in the faith. His wife is lovely except when it comes to God. The children were not to be taught about God and having come of age now they have not chosen to follow in their father’s footsteps.
I have another sister I know and her mum was Catholic and dad was Anglican. Half the children went to one church and half went to another. She grew up with so much mental turmoil that she is now living on a disability pension. She did not accept either of her parents beliefs.
There will always be a compromise and it’s usually God that is compromised.
Many other beliefs like jobs, where to live, do we homeschool the children, do we use natural medications for our children, etc can usually be overcome. I hope that they work this one out satisfactorily or decide they are better off apart.

[Tantalum]

I agree that it is important that a couple share the same biblical beliefs. There are enough problems in a marriage without the added burden of denominational disagreements.

However one of the practical problems I have seen - and that’s especially true of smaller churches - is the limited choice of potential spouses. Especially as Christianity is so fragmented and - let’s be honest about it - the regrettable animosity between various denominations. Hey, even I, attending a large city church, would probably struggle to find a suitable spouse, if I was a young man.

So then I guess you have a choice: remain celibate or cast your net wider.

[newwifenewlife]

I’ve found John Deloney’s thoughts on “beliefs vs values” to be thought provoking. Here’s a quick quote and I’ll post a link from an article below.

“Beliefs are different than values. Beliefs are what we think about certain things. Values weigh those beliefs and ultimately define what we actually do. Beliefs and values have different functions, but they work together. Beliefs can change with new information or experiences, but values mostly stay the same over a lifetime. (By the way, I want my beliefs to be challenged, sharpened and changed regularly, which is why I read books, listen to podcasts, and talk to scientists, poets and other important thinkers. But my values are cast in concrete.)”

Article by Dr John Deloney on values/beliefs/compatibility in relationships
https://www.ramseysolutions.com/relatio ... ationship?

[J2025]

I was about to mention the values/beliefs part. It really depends on the people, for some couples all that matters is that the beliefs of both lead to the same behavioral standards, now if at least one of them is constantly policing compliance of every action with an applicable bible verse, there will probably be increasing tension.

[Yummy17]

I’ve found John Deloney’s thoughts on “beliefs vs values” to be thought provoking. Here’s a quick quote and I’ll post a link from an article below.

“Beliefs are different than values. Beliefs are what we think about certain things. Values weigh those beliefs and ultimately define what we actually do. Beliefs and values have different functions, but they work together. Beliefs can change with new information or experiences, but values mostly stay the same over a lifetime. (By the way, I want my beliefs to be challenged, sharpened and changed regularly, which is why I read books, listen to podcasts, and talk to scientists, poets and other important thinkers. But my values are cast in concrete.)”

Article by Dr John Deloney on values/beliefs/compatibility in relationships
https://www.ramseysolutions.com/relatio ... ationship?

Very interesting. I do agree with the beliefs and values explanation. I do like to review my beliefs however for example the belief that God created the world in 6 days and rested on the 7th rather than a big bang or worse still “theistic evolution” ( my thoughts against this are very strong) not matter how much they are challenged will remain the same. Whilst my belief is that God created the world in its current form ( there was likely a previous creation and the earth had become waste a d wild) there is no “new information or experiences” that will change this.
My values however which are based on my beliefs in the doctrines and commandments of God may change.
For example the categoric statement to never lie. How is this actually applied? Like if you gave a relative that has dementia do you keep telling them their spouse has died or do you modify your speech for their benefit.

[LBD]

It’s impossible to tell.
If two people love each other deeply, they can overcome these differences.
But likewise it also can become a source of constant tension, bitterness and resentment.

"If you love anyone or anything more than me, you are not worthy of me." - Jesus (paraphrase)

Personally, I am of the opinion that they both are misled, but that's not the question. IF they are firm in their beliefs, fully convicted, then they cannot compromise them and a marriage would forever have an internal crack, therefor I would advise against it.
Most would not want to hear such. But practically, most marriages like this end up with the "weaker" party submitting their beliefs to the other IF it is to work out at all. I know of a very few that have survived without a conversion of one side, but even those there is always an underlying tension that often causes much anxiety.

Paul addresses marriages between those who were once non-believers then one side became a believer in 1 Cor. He advised the believer stay if the non-believer allowed it and hopefully the believer's actions would bring about a change in the non-believer. I see this as a specific situation that is different than two who go in having very different beliefs around Jesus, salvation and the Holy Spirit. This sounds more like "unequally yoked" to me (though that is likely addressing going into a relationship with a non-believer.)

[newwifenewlife]

I see Deloney’s viewpoint better now. My wife and I had the same values as humans and Christians. While we both believed in God when we started, we had different beliefs regarding Calvinism & Wesleyan Arminianism (salvation, women in leadership or pastors, etc). DW has changed her beliefs way more than I have. However our values have stayed the same.

Can couples have a “successful/meaningful” relationship? Yes, I think it depends more on temperament, personality, convictions, mutual respect, and ability & commitment to communicate through conflict.

Could I manage a wide chasm of political beliefs or “religion”? No way.