Married People's Attitudes Towards Singles and Sex

[k.a. forest]

I've been single a long time. Never married. I don't think it's wrong for singles to be sexual people and have knowledge about it.

I had an unpleasant encounter with a married Christian woman. She acted like it was wrong for me to talk and think about sex, no matter what it was about. Even if it was something in the Bible, she was opposed to me even speaking about it, just because I was single and "shouldn't be thinking about sex".

I don't understand this perspective that some married Christian people have. Why have this attitude?

[SeekingChange]

I can't tell you why they do, but it's toxic. I hope you rejected what she wanted to put on you.

[Olorin]

We are sexual people whether we are married or not, and it is foolish to deliberately avoid thinking about something that is integral to our nature.

I have no idea why some married people have this attitude, which can lead to all kinds of harmful thoughts and behaviors concerning sex, as is demonstrated all the time on this forum. I wonder how many marriages have suffered because of this kind of bad counsel?

[MiddleMan]

It is possible that this woman thought that way when she was single. A lot of messages are given out about avoiding lust that go way beyond what "lust" actually means, and a lot people internalize those very young and never let them go.

I think the analogy could be don't play with cards (even Go Fish or War), because cards can be used for gambling, so if you never touch cards, you will never gamble.

[Tantalum]

She acted like it was wrong for me to talk and think about sex, no matter what it was about. Even if it was something in the Bible, she was opposed to me even speaking about it, just because I was single and "shouldn't be thinking about sex".

I don't understand this perspective that some married Christian people have. Why have this attitude?

People have all sorts of opinions and attitudes.
Some of them can be silly and offensive. Just the way it is.
Of course it’s perfectly normal for single people to think about sex. It’s part of being human. I certainly thought about sex when I was single. And the majority of single people, women as well as men do engage in some sexual activity too, in the form or masturbation.
There are, admittedly, some experiences that can only be attained in person and in those cases it’s best to admit that we just don’t know what it’s like. For example, as a man I accept that I can’t possibly know what it feels like to be pregnant and give birth.

Hey, people can be weird.
Here’s a story from real life that a pastor told me.
There was a couple who attended church every Sunday for many decades. They always sat next to each other at the end of the same pew.
Then the husband died.
The wife kept going to church, always sitting in the same pew but with her late husband’s place next to her unoccupied.
Then one day the church was very full and someone sat next to her, sitting in what she considered her husband’s place.
She got so offended she never went to church again.

[k.a. forest]

I hope you rejected what she wanted to put on you.

I most certainly did.

When the conversation happened, I was trying to resolve an on-going issue and had hopes that there would be change. The change certainly didn't happen, they are stuck in their ways.

And due to their attitudes and my stance on it, I ended up losing a community.

[SallyMae]

You know the old saying advice is like —-holes everyone has one and they all stink.

I must admit I was talking to a single older woman who was in a Bible study group at a previous church.

Long story short virginity came up. She despite her advanced years admitted not only was she a virgin but had never had an orgasm, never masturbated. Talk about taking a belief to extreme. But her belief about sex only was for married couples like the woman you met. How sad I felt for her. I had to wonder how many people make that decision.

[J2025]

That's the school of thought that set people up for dissatisfying married sex for decades and I hope we're seeing the last traces of it.

They demand people (especially women) to "unleash the beast" once married but what beast can even exist at all if they aren't aware of things to look forward to?