divorced; considering dating ; prayer

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afoxandabunny
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Re: divorced; considering dating ; prayer

Post by afoxandabunny »

DoveGrey wrote: Mon Jan 24, 2022 5:20 pm Are you considering the kiss in sexual sin, or was there something else?

Embarrassment is one kind of reflection of our actions. It's one way we learn to grow. Don't let it keep you from reaching out to others for help.

I'm also concerned with the prayer counseling group ditching you. Counseling isn't for perfect people; it's for the broken. I hope there is another (better?) support system available to you. You do have a lot of trauma to process, and you've got to be able to take care of yourself before you add another stressor into the mix.
No I don’t believe kissing is a sexual sin I believe more than that it ans sadly more happened In the last few weeks . A lota fooling around including oral a few times . We both know it’s wrong we sinned . We have a plan to not let it happen again . I know I’m very weak in this area more even than him . The pull is so strong ….

I was hurt that my prayer counselor dumped me. She feels I’m in rebellion to god because I’ve slipped in the area a few times and said come back when I’m not living in sin. I need the support more than ever and am confused where is the grace ? I need to find other support . The guy I’m dating is finding a pastor for us to speak to together regarding this .
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DoveGrey
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Re: divorced; considering dating ; prayer

Post by DoveGrey »

I'm glad he is seeking help for the both of you. I think you've given very good counsel by men on this board who have a clearer perspective than I do on what it means to date after divorce. But I wanted to let you know that based on my knowledge, I hope you don't let her choices determine your outcome. I very much pray that you don't see her choice as God's rejection. She's only a human. She has no power over you.

Stick to those boundaries you have set, and guard your heart until you are ready to make a wise decision about what you are ready for. I know it's tough, but protecting yourself now will pay off in spades later.
"She will do him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
"

~23 years and counting~
afoxandabunny
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Re: divorced; considering dating ; prayer

Post by afoxandabunny »

yes, Dovegrey absolutely. it's hard I'm not sure I could see us getting married or not. he's a great guy. the whole marriage thing terrifies me after my disaster marriage. this relationship just sorta... happened. my close male friend and I started dating.... my divorce was final last may . I was separated a few years before that but I'm still somewhat healing and the thought of remarriage really terrifies me. I'm not sure I want to or not.... the whole thing scares me and the sex stuff is clouding stuff more. it's hard I love and miss sex and long to do it... I crave doing it w him... but we can't . it's so hard! and him being strong for us reminds me of when my transgender ex would turn me down in our marriage :cry: . we have firmer boundaries set up and sticking to them and seeking God together and alone. a part me wants a casual sexual relationship for this season, but I know God says no.
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Re: divorced; considering dating ; prayer

Post by Irnmyk »

Hi again Bunny,

I, too, was concerned when I read your account of your group dumping you. That is sad.

As @DG counseled, please find another group that is based on the recognition that we are all fallen, broken sinners. You are looking for a support group that sees itself as a "hospital" so to speak, full of sick people who realize that they are sick and are there for treatment.

What you are doing here is a good step, but only a small step. This is an anonymous group and what you need in your life is a real life person who you can open up to and who can hold you accountable - like the example given by @PaulB earlier. That might be as part of the new group that you are seeking or just an individual that is close to you.

Please keep us posted, not for us, but for your progress.
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Re: divorced; considering dating ; prayer

Post by SeekingChange »

I encourage people to be careful on trashing others (ministries and leaders) without knowing the full story. I would guess 1) they know more than we do, and 2) there could have pre-established understandings and rules that were given to be a part. I know many people kicked out of half-way houses and other like ministries, because a user broke the rules of drug/alcohol use. I find that very understandable, and not "un-Christian" like at all, there's a place to have standards of a certain lifestyle. To be clear, they could be totally in the wrong, but have all the facts before judging them.

Bunny, I have been around long enough to remember you pre-first marriage, and I see a pattern of repeat. I don't want to dismiss your feelings of rejection you feel, but do you recall that once you were married, your sexual desire plummeted? I recall you sharing how you didn't want sex or to be sexual with your husband... before you shared of his desire to change. Maybe remembering your history and where it led you, can help you look through these highly charged times to see how those initial chemicals in your brain is affecting you, and to realize that they will settle or pass in about 6 months time. I know you don't want to walk down a similar path, and end up in a similar place, because of your lack of control of your flesh.

Praying that you seek Jesus and keep Him first, being filled with the Spirit, because we are promised He will give us an out to our temptation. "So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.....But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit." (Gal. 5)
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.
afoxandabunny
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Re: divorced; considering dating ; prayer

Post by afoxandabunny »

thanks.... we are taking a step back. we r avoiding all places we may be tempted. and seeking God. and we are taking a day Saturday to pray for guidance in our life and relationship and against temptation this area. ... if anyone thinks of us Saturday please pray with us. The guy I'm dating is also setting up an appointment w a pastor for us to speak with about this. we can't speak with our pastor (he recently started going to my church), I'm very involved and serve there I feel they'd have me step down from ministry.... but we'll talk to another pastor..... the lady at prayer counseling said she’s always there to talk or pray but I can come back when not living in sin
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Re: divorced; considering dating ; prayer

Post by DoveGrey »

afoxandabunny wrote: Tue Jan 25, 2022 3:02 pm the lady at prayer counseling said she’s always there to talk or pray but I can come back when not living in sin
I am very glad she has not completely shut you down. My prayer for you is that you can find a support provider who is able to help you move out of sin even if you are still in it. What you've said makes it sound like there is a pattern here, and that it is causing worry for you. It would be beneficial for you to not have to worry that you'll lose care if you're honest. It sounds like you may have a lot to unpack, and if you feel like you have to hide things from your counselor or you'll get removed, it will slow your progress.

All support providers will have standards that you have to meet, but you've got to find what's right for you. I'm praying that this pastor can help you with what you need in the moment to stay out of sin. I do think it's a good idea to see someone about your fears of remarrying, whether that's the prayer counselor or someone else. But that should be on your own, not with the man you're seeing.
"She will do him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
"

~23 years and counting~
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