Being shamed for sexual feelings and questions

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Re: Being shamed for sexual feelings and questions

Post by Link+Zelda »

wakawaka321 wrote: Mon Nov 27, 2023 5:59 pm its been quite a while since Ive been on here, and you can look through my post history to see your far from alone in your struggles.

its really difficult to figure out all this stuff, more difficult to live it, and even more to do it alone. Unfortunately due to the nature of the topic, its obviously easier to talk about it anonymously online, but that also means people are more likely to get......weird.

I went through a phase a while back, well, its one I go through every now and then, where I'm trying to figure out some of this stuff and looking for friends I can open up to about it. Ive been appart of quite a few "christian sexual" communities in various stripes that exist online. Unfortunately not all of them good.Some of them were mistakes on my part as I tried to figure things out and ask questions, and some presented themselves as something they were not.

Even as a man, Ive had people make me uncomfortable. I Honestly don't really have an answer for your situation other than to say your not alone in it.
To boil it down simply, I would recommend to simply stay away from places like Songs of the Believers (SOTB), Marriage Heat (MH), and most of Reddit's "Christian" sexuality pages. Same goes for anything of similar ilk. This is especially true of singles. Those places are effectively glorified porn. The public-facing material there is bad enough, but it's even worse in private/direct messages, where all sorts of nefarious things can happen. None of them paint a picture that's anywhere close to a real, God-honoring marriage.

TMB is the only site I know of that is even remotely close to aiming for real, God-honoring relationships. While the moderators and legit members at TMB do what we can to protect people here, we can only do so much. And when a mod makes a casual mention that asking for and diving into private messaging here can be problematic leads to the explosion of naysayers like it did on the OP's original thread, I think that's a bright-red warning light that not all who are here are genuine. In my opinion, people responding that way are either naïve, anti-authoritarian, or part of the problem crowd themselves. Nearly all of the long-time people here have experienced disingenuous PM'ers hit them up. For me, even as a married guy, it took less than a week of me arriving here before it happened.

I am sorry that there's no good answers for you @wakawaka321 and @VioletWinters. This is a huge area of failure by the church. I would encourage you to try to build up the singles section here at TMB, it exists for that very purpose, but I'd strongly recommend to keep as much of it in the open forum as possible. Private messaging, especially with supposedly married opposite-sex members can yield very little good.
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Re: Being shamed for sexual feelings and questions

Post by MrEden »

Violetwinters wrote: Thu Nov 09, 2023 7:40 amI feel extremely shamed and ganged up on in response to how others view my questions regarding sexuality.
Hi Violet, glad to see that you are still around. Just wanted to comment on this ^^^.

I have been on TMB since around 2009. It IS a tough crowd. Believe it or not, things have improved greatly since the early days.

While there are some contentious people here (the vast majority of who mean well), keep in mind that the medium has a lot to do with perceptions. It is extremely hard to criticize someone in a loving way via anonymous posts. Case in point. Another member & I disagreed on something, which is fine. I enjoy discussions like that. However, while this person wasn't nasty or rude at all, I totally misjudged her as having a confrontational personality and not someone I would care to pal around with. By God's providence, we became real-life friends. She reached out to me personally about some marital issues I was having. She is a strong lady and doesn't take any ### from anyone, but you would never meet a more gentle, loving, kind, and caring person.

Just know that you are loved by nearly everyone here, even though it doesn't feel like it sometimes.
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